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MUSIC: Water

This is the first time I have released my recorded music into the general public. A bit of a milestone. More to come on a regular basis.

NEW ORIGINAL SONG: Water
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YOU AND I: We

Wait
Don’t say it
This is not the happily-every-after-into-the-sunset
This is this moment
Followed by the next
And the next
The colors, stunning, heart opening
It’s true
But also a rare occurrence in the journey of the circle
For they fade into mono-chromatic sleepiness
And then silhouettes and glittering speckles
And boundless, big blue
And storms
And ho-hum of day after beautiful day
And muted, overcast heaviness
And all of the beautiful, heartbreaking, boring, tumultuous, perfect unknowns

We are not a list of things in common
Or the coconspirators of our shared delusion
Just because I like to cook dinner and you like to clean up
Or you are a former beauty queen with greater ambitions
And I am a snow machine racing champion
It doesn’t mean we are a match made in something-that-we-made-up

We are brilliant, unrestrained silliness
We are wounded
We are unpredictable and predictable
We are the messy attempt at coordinating the contrary schedules of our souls
We are closer and closer to what can never have

We bask in the beauty of our wholeness
And meet the dark places with the light of kindness and grace

We are open
We improvise
We are finite

We are simplicity and perplexity forged into a vast wilderness

We come together and move apart
Again and again
Like all things in their fickle, requisite transformations

We look at the sunset knowingly

We dance
In love
In joy
In imperfection
And in faith

Copyright 2009 John Shapiro

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YOU AND I: The Boat and The Mouth

You are like that guy in that joke that drowns after refusing two boats that God sent him.
I am like that guy that brought that non-indigenous animal to that island to kill that other animal.

You keep walking past that book that I gave you.
I keep thinking I should write a book that will give everyone the answer.

And you keep missing that talk
Or that part of that movie
Or that beautiful circumstance
That has the perfect message that seems to be just what you need to hear.
You MISSED it. It would have CHANGED YOUR LIFE.
I keep missing it, too, because I keep thinking about what you missed.

My advice. Forgotten.
My offers. Unanswered.
My gifts. Unopened.
Wait. What’s that you say? You never asked for… what?
And why can’t you just listen to me?
You ALWAYS want it to be a certain way.

“You are gonna make a mess, missy,” I say.
“And if you don’t do that thing, you’ll be making it even worse.”
(I would be the BEST 50’s TV dad ever.)
You keep saying that saying that I keep acting like I know everything. Whatever!

Ok. Yeah. You get the point.
What do I know?

But

What DO I know?

True.
I keep messing things up.
But your message has been getting through a little.
I’m slightly less controlling, needy, insecure, righteous, pig headed, wrong.

What about mine?
Are you still saying things like,
“That asshole never unconditionally loved me.”
Or “Happy. Happy. I am only going to be happy.”
Or “I can’t understand my deepest wounds can’t be healed with a simple plan that involves just me and is on my timetable.”

I mean seriously.
It’s simple.
For both of us.
And I know.
That whole big, unknown place.
Super scary for both of us.
But, scary, shmary.
You jump on one of those boats. (Without me mentioning it, of course.)
And I’ll shut up.

Copyright 2009 John Shapiro

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YOU AND I: Waiting

I waited for you
You were beautiful
And lovely
And full of noble intent
Smart, sassy, sexy, silly, sensuous
Our connection seemed uncanny and our potential undeniable
My heart bursting often and the joy and laughter flowed simply

I waited for you
Through your repressive illness
Through your fits of rage and rounds of tears
Through the rearing of your once broken heart and your fear of repetition
Through your waiting for what you yourself could not give
And your certainty that what you felt was only about now
Through your silences
Your isolation
Your indecision
Your un-openness

I waited for you
To love me
To want me
To trust me
To give me what you yourself said was to be expected
To see me as undeniably amazing
To throw down your fears and fill the void with your faith
To step boldly into this unknown land and proclaim,
“Here shall we build our house.”

-

But you rarely showed up
And when you did, you didn’t stay long
My hopes soaring to their fiery ends
I struggled to endure the grueling pains of uncertainty and withholding,
Certain that my waiting would finally win me this most desired of prizes
“Only a moment more,” I would say. “And that shall surely be enough.”

And so it goes, with great toil comes creeping doubt
Theories abounding, colliding, withering
And occasionally the voice of my bruised, heavy and torn heart inquiring,
“For whom do you wait?”
Louder and more frequent it grew
Talking grievance into moving over and giving grief a little space
Chipping cracks in the dark glass of pain to welcome glimpses of light
And sometimes the broken pieces flying into a beautiful, shattered mess
The Sun streaming through in full intensity
Unguarded
Brilliant
Love

-

More and more I have stopped waiting
Oh, but don’t think me free of my habit
Of course, sometimes I still wait for you
Hoping you might act the way of perfect movie ending
A flash of epiphany
A bold, sweeping gesture
And then we blah, blah, blah

But mostly, I just love you more and more every day
No, not that way
But in the way of a loving wish
A wish that you have started to stop waiting too

To stop waiting for the lover that couldn’t give you enough
For the parent that neglected you or wanted too much
For the loss to be reclaimed
For the conflict to be resolved
The burden lifted
The goal attained
The passage safely guaranteed
For freedom from fear and pain
To stop waiting for the perfect circumstance that will never come

And maybe I will see you up there sometime
When the courage to spread the wings of our hearts in faith
Has bloomed in the same season
And we shall meet in the Love that we were always waiting for
And let It fly as freely as It has always been

Copyright 2009 John Shapiro

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MONEY: Simple, Practical Management of Your Personal Finances

Introduction

I recently helped a couple of my friends get some new perspective on their financial situation. Since they both really appreciated my advice, I thought it would be useful to share that information via the web. Though I am not trained as a financial planner or otherwise, I believe my advice to be useful and relevant as I have led a fairly successful financial life thus far; I run my own business as an independent music teacher; I own my own home; I am able do most of the things I want financially; I am not in debt (positive equity in my home); and I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about money. I do not come from a family with money, nor did I get an inheritance or win the lottery. I was able to do those things basically from scratch.

Though I could go into detail about various aspects of personal finances, I shall limit the content of this article to showing you a system to simply and practically manage your personal finances. Basically, I will just show you how I do it using one basic spread sheet, without a big time commitment or fancy software.

This article assumes you have access to a computer and a spreadsheet like Microsoft Excel or compatible equivalent such as Open Office Calc: http://www.openoffice.org or online at http://spreadsheets.google.com Open Office and Google Spreadsheets are free. I have included a Sample Budget spreadsheet [download] with this article that you can download to your computer. You can open it directly in Excel or Open Office. Or you can import it into Google Spreadsheets; on the Google Spreadsheet page, click: File > Import… and select the Sample Budget spreadsheet on your computer.

Know the Reality of What’s Going On

I believe the best place to start is by simply facing the reality of your financial situation: How much money to do you make? How much debt do you owe? What are the terms of that debt? How much money is in your accounts? When are you bills due? How much money do you REALLY spend on fun and other stuff every month? Etc.

Having personally experienced varying degrees of financial denial at different points in my life, I know that being honest and forthright about the reality of one’s own financial situation can be challenging and unpleasant, but as the wise saying goes: “Start where you are”. In other words, a clear, honest look at the reality of what is going on in your financial world is the foundation of effective and accurate management of your personal finances as you move forward. So take a moment to see if you clearly and accurately understand all the main details of your financial situation: income, expenses, debt, savings and their applicable terms.

Side notes:

Give yourself a little space and gentleness if you don’t get the reality right at first or if you have some future bouts of denial; coming to terms with your finances can be a process.

Estimate Your Monthly Budget

Now it’s time to start filling out the spreadsheet with your estimated relevant monthly expenses. Be as detailed or as general as you want. The level of detail should be in line with your personality and something that you know you can easily maintain. Obvious entries are: rent/mortgage, food, gas, utilities, phone/internet, fun stuff/entertainment. Since I am self employed, I also add the categories: health insurance, estimated taxes, retirement; I also save up to pay myself my normal weekly pay when I take vacations. Additionally, I have a category I call “Bucket”; this is where I pay for unexpected things like car repair, where I compensate for inaccuracies in my estimates, and where I save up for things I want to buy/do.

Remember that your budget is an estimate: Though some things can be predicted pretty accurately for a while like rent, other things fluctuate a lot like gas. Since it is an estimate, check in with your numbers every once in a while to see if you are actually spending what you estimated. If discrepancies exist, revise the estimates as necessary.

Side notes:

As I said above, you may experience some periods of denial or mis-estimation, hoping that some things will cost less than they do. Remember that it is a process: Keep the numbers as accurate as you can and revise them when needed.

Project Out Your Finances for an Upcoming Time Period

Projecting out your finances for an upcoming time period will ensure that you have enough money coming in to meet your expenses and give you clear understanding of what is coming next and how to plan for it. Similarly to how a weather forecast allows you to plan on how to dress, when to travel, what to expect, etc., a forecast of your financial situation will let you know when money needs to be in your account to pay a bill, how much money you expect to have left over, and so on.

Start by picking an upcoming time period that is right for your situation: If you get paid on the 1st and the 15th, those should be your time periods. If you get paid once a month, that should be your time period. If you want your time period to be something else, that is fine too.

In the spreadsheet:

  • Earnings: Enter the money you expect to earn in the next upcoming time period as a positive number.
  • Account balance: Enter the money you have in your checking account as a positive number.
  • Un-cleared expenses: Enter any un-cleared expenses not yet deducted from your bank account as negative numbers.
  • Estimated expenses: Copy and paste your estimated expenses in that fall within that time period as negative numbers.
  • Sum: Use the “sum” functionality in your spreadsheet to add all of these numbers together.

This is your projection/forecast of your finances for the upcoming time period. When that period is over, simply repeat this process with the next upcoming time period.

Here is an example to what I do:

  • Earnings: I deposit money from teaching about every two weeks; this is my upcoming time period; I make adjustments to that time period occasionally because most of my bills are monthly and I want to keep my deposits in sync. I can estimate approximately what that deposit amount will be based on when student payments are due. I enter the estimate of my deposit.
  • Account balance: I go online and see the money I already have in my bank account. I enter that amount.
  • Un-cleared expenses: I look through the line items in my bank account and enter any item that hasn’t yet cleared into my spreadsheet (Or more simply, I just subtract those items from the “account balance” figure).
  • Estimated expenses: I copy and paste the relevant items from my estimated budget.
  • Sum: I sum all of those cells together. I try to end up with a cushion I feel comfortable with in my account so I don’t get any overdraft fees. If there is a problem i.e. I end up with a negative sum, I will do something to correct it, like: take out a budget item that doesn’t need to be paid right away, like retirement or vacation savings. Or I will temporarily transfer money in from my savings account to cover that temporary shortfall. If you can’t take out something non-pressing or transfer money in, hopefully you can do something else to cover that short fall instead of incurring overdraft fees.

I do this projection every couple weeks when I am about to make a deposit or I know something big is coming due, like my mortgage. Though I don’t think this is necessary, I cut my old projection entries and paste them lower in the spreadsheet when the time period has past; I do this in case I need to remember one of the items or revisit that financial snapshot in time; every few weeks, I delete these old entries.

Side notes:

In this age of instant account information via the internet, I don’t balance my personal checkbook. I don’t like to do it, and I think it is a waste of my time. Instead, I occasionally look at my accounts online to makes sure every thing is clearing as expected and nothing unexpected is getting charged. I usually do this at the same time I do my projection.

I also think it helps to chunk things together in general and obvious ways: I don’t go through and itemize all of my grocery or entertainment purchases as it feels like unnecessary effort. I just make sure they are generally on track.

Take a Snapshot of the Big Picture: Your Savings and Debts

Taking a snapshot of the big picture of your financial situation will help you maintain an overall sense of where you are financially. It will allow you to plan for the long term and focus on your financial priorities, like paying down debt.

In the spreadsheet: Enter in the amounts of your savings and debts and their related terms (interest rates, due dates, upcoming interest rate hikes, etc.). Update them periodically based on your preference and personality. I usually update them once a month or so.

Savings: I divide my savings into imaginary categories which are represented by separate line items on my spreadsheet. I do this to help me better keep track of my future financial needs. I have a “Savings Bucket” category for things I want to buy/do or unexpected expenses. I have an “If I Lose My Job” category that has enough money in it to cover six months of my non-optional expenses like mortgage, food, health insurance. Since I am self employed, I have an “Estimated Taxes” category that I fund monthly. This ensures that I have enough money to pay the taxes when they are due quarterly.

Debts: Though I don’t have any debts besides my mortgage, I encourage you to enter in your debts along with their respective terms: interest rates, due dates, rate change dates, etc. and update them periodically. You can search for advice as to how to best pay down those debts as I am not the best source for that information. But in line with facing the reality of your financial situation, these are important numbers to have on your page.

Side notes:

I keep my savings in a risk free, fee free, money market account, and I have it linked with my checking account to easily transfer money in and out as needed. This allows my savings to earn more interest than a traditional savings account.

I also have some line items for my retirement funds and personal stocks.

Final Thoughts

Though it may take you some time to find and enter the information needed to start using this simple, practical financial management system, the time you spend maintaining the information should be pretty minimal; I usually spend 10 minutes or less twice a month to keep these figures up to date.

I encourage you to think of the process above more like guidelines and less like rules. And given that, I encourage you to tweak your management of this information. Come up with news ways and try things out as needed to best suits your needs.

I hope the information in this article is helpful to you and you are able to simply and practically manage your finances from this point on. I also hope taking these steps to manage your financial situation contributes to your over all well being with reduced stress, more time, and increased empowerment. Best wishes!

Copyright 2009 John Shapiro

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HEALTH: “Swine” Flu in Context

By John Shapiro | JohnShapiro.com

Though the potential for a serious pandemic caused by flu or some other deadly disease is highly probable in the future, the current “swine flu pandemic” has been significantly blown out of proportion by the news media and does not represent a new or unusual health threat when put into context of “regular” flu.

For the most part, the news media failed to report an accurate, comparative analysis between the current “swine” flu outbreak and “regular” flu. “Regular” flu is an ongoing global health issue which kills and hospitalizes many people per year. Additionally, when high profile coverage of “swine” flu first began, the “swine” flu death numbers were initially reported as being significantly higher than the actual deaths that actually occurred. Undoubtedly, the inaccurate portrayal of this story has resulted in significant emotional unease and worry for millions of people as well as significant financial loss to businesses affected by a drop in tourism and people staying home out of worry.

May this type of reporting serve as an ongoing reminder to us all to take the news media reports with a grain of salt, knowing that the motivation of news outlets is often not solely the reporting of the facts, but also to create an emotional reaction to a story to sell their product and it’s related advertising. Furthermore, it behooves us to treat news stories with healthy skepticism simply because it is common for reporters to receive inaccurate information and thus unknowingly pass that incorrect information on to us.

The numbers below serve to put “swine” flu in context of “regular” flu.

“REGULAR” FLU DEATHS

PER YEAR
36,000 (US)
788,400 (WORLD)(1)

PER DAY
99 (US)
2168 (WORLD)(1)

“REGULAR” FLU HOSPITALIZATIONS

PER YEAR
200,000 (US)
4,380,000 (WORLD)(1)

PER DAY
554 (US)
12,132 (WORLD)(1)

“SWINE” FLU AND “REGULAR” FLU COMPARED OVER 13 DAYS(2)

WORLDWIDE DEATHS
28,184 (”REGULAR” FLU)(1)
30 (”SWINE” FLU)
0.001% OF ALL FLU DEATHS HAVE BEEN FROM “SWINE” FLU

WORLDWIDE HOSPITALIZATIONS
157,716 (”REGULAR” FLU)(1)
134 (”SWINE” FLU)(3)
0.001% OF ALL FLU HOSPITALIZATIONS HAVE BEEN FROM “SWINE” FLU

ABOUT THE NUMBERS

The “regular” flu numbers above are based on statistical flu estimates in the United States and multiplied by the current world population estimates.

(1) There is no reliable source to estimate world flu deaths and hospitalizations. It should be assumed that these numbers are actually significantly higher due to lack of adequate medical care in much of the world.

(2) 13 days = From April 23, 2009 (emergency declared by Mexico and wide reporting by news media) through May 5, 2009 (the writing of this article)

(3) Based on U.S. data in aforementioned time frame: 35 of 403 confirmed cases in the U.S. have resulted in hospitalization

SOURCES

“Swine” flu numbers: http://whoterrance.vo.msecnd.net/mediacentre/swine_flu/GlobalSubnationalMaster_20090505_1610.jpg
“Regular flu numbers: http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/full/292/11/1333 http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/full/289/2/179
Population: http://www.census.gov/main/www/popclock.html
U.S “Swine” flu hospitalizations: http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5jcuX6b-1vBpVpgCMbHuhP-kx36Bw

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